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  • Writer's pictureArtisha Bolding

Hope is far and I'm losing faith. Thirsting deep in my soul. I fell for the lies that they sold me.

Hope is far and I'm losing faith

Thirsting deep in my soul

I fell for the lies that they sold me

- Evan Craft

Desesperado by Evan Craft is in pretty good rotation on the local Christian radio station where I live and I love it. I was very excited to highlight it leading up to Cinco de Mayo. And I'm not gonna talk about the desperate times that I’ve had for tacos, burritos or celebration, but I have been desperate for love and grace on many many occasions. And I tried to fill that void with other things to no avail. Whenever I think of those time I just throw my hands up in praise to God because He saw fit to connect me with people who could show me that side of Him in real life and nudge me right back to Him. God is just that good. And no that doesn't mean that I didn't have hard times. If you have read any of my previous posts or spent any time on my YouTube channel you will know that to be true.

I've been short on hope and faith before. I've also fallen for some things in my life for sure. I've fallen for scams on the phone and on the internet. I've fallen for scam men and false promises. Thankfully I've lived and learned and that stuff got cleared up. What took a little longer to get to the bottom of were some of the the lies I fell for. Lies about me! I believed some silly stuff about myself over the years. I was stuck on the performance based loop for so long that even now I shake my head looking back. I was just speaking with some close friends about why we often feel the need to be busy or "on" all the time. In that discussion I realized that some grooming I received growing up fed the lies that were swimming around my head. I was made to complete chores before I could go out with friends; I was made to complete chores in order to get rewards. I was doted on moreso when I was doing well in school than other times. Unfortunately I carried those unintended lessons with me into adulthood. I was telling myself a story that if I wasn't always busy I was being lazy. If I wasn't going in early or staying late and checking all the things off the list I was less than. There was a constant fight to prove that I was good enough, I was smart enough, that I was worthy. To my millennials and 20-somethings reading this I just want to encourage you to start your soul care now start your self love journey now don't wait until you're 40 to understand that title, status, and material things do not make up the real you. The real you is special and and has something to offer the world. The real you has a passion inside. The real you has a drive that has nothing to do with performance or approval. The real you deserves to be loved and heard and valued. Anyone that tells you anything else, anyone that feeds the thought of anything else is a LIE. Don't believe them even for a minute!

Another part of that same conversation I was having with friends helped me unveil that working for corporate agencies and organizations brainwashed me as well. The highly visible highly competitive dog-eat-dog capitalistic system was not good for me. For a long time I thought that I would be the change inside and in certain seasons I was but after a while it just began to eat away at my soul. I was so overwhelmed with achieving status and growing my bank account that a part of my soul grew dark. I went from only being able to have a meaningful discussion about students to only being capable of talking about politics and government infrastructure. Thinking about it now I'm not sure whether it was more sad or scary. This is why my mission is empowering, inspiring, and uplifting women. All of the content that I produce is to nudge women out of those dark places into strong positions of faith, health, wealth and wisdom. My work here will be done when I have made the impact of growing our culture to foster outspoken women leaders in our homes, communities and marketplace. Women that are only desperate for God and the things of God. Women that go after what God has for them full force. The idea of that make me smile, dance and celebrate. Let's do this y’all! atb

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