And I will not be silent. I will always worship you.
I honestly had no idea whose song this was or what year it came out until the moment I looked it up to include here. And I had to send up a prayer and a praise for my brother that I didn't know I had. Brother Phil Thompson did something amazing when he released My Worship in 2018. I mean this is serious- these words are not to be taken lightly even for a moment. They hit an especially tender area in me because I am a survivor of great bouts of suffering. Some of which I know could have been avoided with better planning and better decision making. Others that completely knocked me off my block.
From grieving loved ones to grieving relationships gone bad to money issues followed by major health issues- it has been a lot. But no matter what I always found my way back to praise and worship. Somehow I couldn't stay too low too long. I always had the ability to rise to the understanding that God was "it" for me. I didn't comprehend all of His ways and I definitely still tried to control things (I mean I am Hattie Smith's daughter, more bout her later.) But I sensed His presence. I believed He was near and that made me ok.
Hattie and a host of others had me growing up believing that God was this overbearing figure that was constantly keeping score on me and as soon as I messed up or got "out of line" He would be there to hand me my punishment. If I went to the club; if I missed church service; if I cursed; or anything like that I was taking a chance with eternity. That pressure was crazy! As a young person that wants to experience things and have some fun it was really heavy. Then as time went on and I studied the Bible for myself I came to know that the teaching that had been drilled into me all this time was not how God operates at all. He's a loving Father who only thinks well of me. He's not demanding, but deserving of my love, worship and obedience.
When we forget about God or get angry with Him or even run from Him we're simply left to our own devices in this fallen world and that's where the trouble comes in. Years and years later I feel like I finally get it. Mom didn't really understand grace and mercy because the unconditional wondrous love of God is almost too deep to fathom. The idea that we could turn our back on someone who has been there for us every day of our entire lives and He still has the very best intentions toward us just doesn't add up in our human minds. The idea that we constantly put other things before Him mentally, financially, and socially, but He's always there waiting for us to ask for help and to spend time with Him simply doesn't compute for us. It's this very fact that helps us see that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. It's this fact that proves He does not want us to be silent but to burst forth with worship that rings from earth all the way up to heaven. So here's where we have to shift our thinking, transform it into something that benefits us spiritually and naturally.
I've found that our thought patterns are a direct reflection of the voices that we listen to. As children we have to follow the voices of our parents. They are our first leaders and first examples. Then as we get older we follow the voices of friends and mentors and perhaps some in the media. But as believers of Christ the end and the beginning for us has to be the truth in the Word of God. He wants us to use our voices to spread the word about Him and to worship Him. atb